Target

Me: We’re here for napkins.

Mom: And Halloween candy.

Me: Napkins. Halloween candy.

Abuela: That is a gorgeous sweater!

Me: Napkins. Sweater. Halloween candy.

Abuela: What does that sign say? Are they on sale?

Me: Buy one, get one half

off.

Abuela: Ooooh, that open one is nice too.

Me: Napkins. Sweater. Cardigan. Halloween candy. Napkins. Sweater. Cardigan. Halloween candy. Napkins―

Mom: Jeans are included in the sale. Wouldn’t these look great on me?

Me: NAPKINS. SWEATER. CARDIGAN. JEANS. I can’t fucking take you two―Hol’ up, is that dress on sale too? Does it come in my size?

**One hour later**

Me: I came in for napkins.

Target cashier, glancing at total: These are the most expensive napkins I have ever seen in my life.

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